Learning to Love

God is Love, it is the very essence of what He is and His perfect nature.  
 
I John 4:16. Also we have come to know and trust the love that God has for us. God is love; and those who remain in this love remain united with God, and God remains united with them

The Hebrew word for love is Ahavah, whose root word is Avah which means desired, it's a verb which requires action.

Deuteronomy 6:4-6.  "Sh'ma, Yisra'el! ADONAI Eloheinu, ADONAI echad [Hear, Isra'el! ADONAI our God, ADONAI is one]; 5 and you are to love ADONAI your God with all your heart, all your being and all your resources. 6 These words, which I am ordering you today, are to be on your heart;

As I have shared many times before love is a command [EC1] from God! We choose to love or as its stated in the Hebrew we choose what we desire.  The Shema which we are all familiar with tells us that we are to love God and give complete devotion to Him.  The paradox of commanding a feeling is resolved by recognizing that this is not a conventional love.  Loving God is not a sentiment or a warm emotion (warm fuzzy), it is a devoted loyalty, a strong desire of action (with all our soul) toward God and also to your neighbor.  It's interesting to note that the Rabbinic interpretation of love means "one is willing to give their life for God!"  The same teaching Yeshua gave:
 
John 15:12-13.  "This is my command: that you keep on loving each other just as I have loved you. 13 No one has greater love than a person who lays down his life for his friends.
 
As Yeshua stated, ahavah/love is the force behind unbreakable unity! We are commanded to love each other; the Hebrew word ahavah has the same gematria (numerical value) as echad (one) which is thirteen, the same as mayim, water.  Living water!  We are created in the image of God, so love is an inherent, critical foundation of who we are!  It defines our relationship with God and with each other.  Yeshua defined and refined this understanding:
 
Matthew 22:35-40. and one of them who was a Torah expert asked a sh'eilah to trap him: 36 "Rabbi, which of the mitzvot in the Torah is the most important?" 37 He told him, "`You are to love ADONAI your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.' 38 This is the greatest and most important mitzvah. 39 And a second is similar to it, `You are to love your neighbor as yourself.' 40 All of the Torah and the Prophets are dependent on these two mitzvot."
 
Sin, which corrupted our DNA also corrupted our ability to love.  Because of sin, love does not always come freely and easily to us as God's creation.  Many complex issues result from sin such as bitterness, unforgiveness, hatred, rejection, even sociological and cultural division have corrupted our ability and understanding of unconditional love.  Maybe you, like myself, were raised in a home where love wasn't expressed?  Maybe you were hurt by someone you loved through rejection, divorce, or even a misunderstanding so your heart has hardened against love as a defense from being hurt in the future?  Maybe you do love others, but don't know how to express it.  Remember love is a verb-action?  Maybe you were sexually abused so love can only be expressed sexually?  The inability to love affects your relationship and intimacy with God.  Your intimacy may be limited or even hindered because God commands us to love Him with all of our being and you don't know how or can't! Sha'ul wrote to the Messianic Community in Thessalonica too not be discouraged as they learned to Love one another.
 
I Thessalonians 3:12-31. And as for you, may the Lord make you increase and overflow in love toward each other, indeed, toward everyone, just as we do toward you; 13 so that he may give you the inner strength to be blameless, by reason of your holiness, when you stand before God our Father at the coming of our Lord Yeshua with all his angels.
 
Here is a mystery of Heaven. God's entire word revolves around two relationship models.
 
1. Our relationship with Him.
 
2. Our relationship with each other.
 
The Basis of life itself is how we relate one to another and collectively with God.  Our Growth, success, fulfillment, and joy as a congregation depends upon our ability to relate effectively with people and Adonai.
 
We hone and improve our relationship with God by our relationships with each other.  How we react to each other defines how we interact and relate with God.  Every day we rehearse and practice our relationship with God through our interactions and relationship with each other.  Love is the key focal point of Community, Congregational (Kehillat) living!  In fact, this "love" that we have and display for each other is how we are defined as Yeshua's Talmidim:
 
John 13:35. Everyone will know that you are my talmidim by the fact that you have love for each other."
 
It is the fulfillment of Torah as Yeshua said in Matthew 22:
 
Romans 13:8. Don't owe anyone anything - except to love one another; for whoever loves his fellow human being has fulfilled Torah.
 
What we struggle with is how to love in a biblical, heavenly context. We are culturally inundated, more like assaulted through music, movies, and books with a warped, prostituted definition and understanding of love.  We are taught in our society that love is sexual, it's physical, and that it's conditional. God's love is based upon a heavenly model that does not conform to Hollywood's, societies, or the worlds Hellenistic model of Love. As we have previously read, we see that love is a command:
 
Deuteronomy 6:5. and you are to love ADONAI your God with all your heart, all your being and all your resources.
 
Love is the most important gift of all gifts given from God:
 
I Corinthians 13. I may speak in the tongues of men, even angels; but if I lack love, I have become merely blaring brass or a cymbal clanging. 2 I may have the gift of prophecy, I may fathom all mysteries, know all things, have all faith - enough to move mountains; but if I lack love, I am nothing. 3 I may give away everything that I own, I may even hand over my body to be burned; but if I lack love, I gain nothing. 4 Love is patient and kind, not jealous, not boastful, 5 not proud, rude or selfish, not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not gloat over other people's sins but takes its delight in the truth. 7 Love always bears up, always trusts, always hopes, always endures. 8 Love never ends; but prophecies will pass, tongues will cease, knowledge will pass. 9 For our knowledge is partial, and our prophecy partial; 10 but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass. 11 When I was a child, I spoke like a child, thought like a child, argued like a child; now that I have become a man, I have finished with childish ways. 12 For now we see obscurely in a mirror, but then it will be face to face. Now I know partly; then I will know fully, just as God has fully known me. 13 But for now, three things last trust, hope, love; and the greatest of these is love.
 
Sha’ul wrote this to the congregation in Corinth to establish congregational relationships between congregates. Love isn't conditional, it doesn't depend upon nor based upon your previous experiences, love is listening instead of talking, love isn't judgmental, love trusts vice doubt, love elevates others above yourself, love is free and must be given freely, love overcomes many sins. In fact:
 
John 3:16. "For God so loved the world that he gave his only and unique Son, so that everyone who trusts in him may have eternal life, instead of being utterly destroyed.
 
Scripture gives a definitive description of what love is.  The difficulty is as I mentioned: How do we love?  What hinders us from loving others?  How do I love difficult people, those who irritate or rub you the wrong way?  Our own perspective sets how we view others.  If you are a negative person, you will quickly see the negative side of people.  If you are a positive person, you will see the good in people.  How you handle problems will detail how you handle people.  Finally, understanding the stages of relationship building allows you to interact with people with a firm foundation.  Sha'ul gave us great insight in:
 
Romans 12:9. Don't let love be a mere outward show. Recoil from what is evil, and cling to what is good.

Accepting someone does not mean tolerance of any sinful behavior that they may be actively engaged in.  We often shun people because they are engaged in a sinful lifestyle or some other kind of sinful behavior.  When we do that, we become a roadblock in their path to repentance and restoration unto God!  We are not an exclusive club for saved people nor a warehouse or depository for the righteous. We are a hospital for the sick and sinful. We should have a sign out front that says: "Sinners Welcome".  To Love like Yeshua, we must stop judging people and start loving them as we desire to be loved and accepted, it's the Golden Rule:
 
Matthew 7:12. "Always treat others as you would like them to treat you; that sums up the teaching of the Torah and the Prophets.
 
We decide how we want to be treated then so treat others the same way, catch this, YOU determine how you’re treated by others!  The happiest people are those who have invested in others! Doing something for someone else is a solid cure for depression! Sha'ul gave a powerful drash on loving each other:

Romans 12:10. Love each other devotedly and with brotherly love; and set examples for each other in showing respect.

I can speak from experience here, it's hard to do this if love wasn't modeled for you as a child! It will greatly affect your marriage and your children, as well as others you care about in your life.  Open your eyes, look around, and model someone who loves people. Rebbitzen Barb has transformed my life these last 30 plus years.  I am by nature and upbringing a non-huggy, stoic & stiff person who does not easily succumb to emotion.  That can change, Barb has drastically changed me in this area, bit by bit in the last 30 plus years.  I'm still working on it!

Romans 12:11-12.  Don't be lazy when hard work is needed, but serve the Lord with spiritual fervor. 12 Rejoice in your hope, be patient in your troubles, and continue steadfastly in prayer.

There is a myriad of personality types, good, bad, indifferent, co-dependent, needy, self-sufficient, stable, giving, greedy, righteous, and even some that are evil.  All can be found right here within this congregation.  Being a Rabbi and leading this congregation is one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life.  I've discovered that many people, not all, have been trained to come and be served vice coming to serve which is what Yeshua modeled.
 
Matthew 20:25-28.  But Yeshua called them and said, "You know that among the Goyim, those who are supposed to rule them become tyrants, and their superiors become dictators. 26 Among you, it must not be like that. On the contrary, whoever among you wants to be a leader must become your servant, 27 and whoever wants to be first must be your slave! 28 For the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve -- and to give his life as a ransom for many."
 
The role of a Rabbi is that of a servant, one who performs both Kingdom and biblical duties of a congregational leader. As a Rabbi this is how I deal with so many different personality types:
 
1.  Forgive!  Completely and succinctly with no conditions or caveats.
 
2.  Pray unceasingly.
 
3.  Love unconditionally.
 
4.  Ask for Godly wisdom in working and interacting with people.
 
5.  Stay emotionally healthy and empathize, don't sympathize, don't engage in or succumb to the snare or trap people are involved in.
 
6.  Be honest with God, yourself, and them.  Truth in love often hurts but always prevails.  
 
7.  I'm a sheepdog whose duty is to protect the flock from the wolf.
 
8. Understand the process of intentional relationships.  Relationships go from the honeymoon stage of awe and perfection to the irritation stage when we begin to see a few things we don't like to the discomfort stage when the irritants begin to add up and we are transparent about our discomfort to include a separation phase.  To prevent this, remember:
 
I Peter 4:8 More than anything, keep loving each other actively; because love covers many sins.

Let's go back to Romans 12:

Romans 12:13-16. Share what you have with God's people, and practice hospitality. 14 Bless those who persecute you - bless them, don't curse them! 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. 16 Be sensitive to each other's needs - don't think yourselves better than others, but make humble people your friends. Don't be conceited.

Far too many people over zealously employ the gift of diagnosis.  More times than not people just want someone to listen to them, don't diagnose their issues.  Put your arm around them, cry with them, mourn with them, and in victory rejoice with them.  We all want to know that someone cares, we all want to feel appreciated and we all at times want someone to listen.  

Romans 12:17-21. Repay no one evil for evil, but try to do what everyone regards as good. 18 If possible, and to the extent that it depends on you, live in peace with all people. 19 Never seek revenge, my friends; instead, leave that to God's anger; for in the Tanakh it is written, "ADONAI says, 'Vengeance is my responsibility; I will repay.'" 20 On the contrary, "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. For by doing this, you will heap fiery coals [of shame] on his head." 21 Do not be conquered by evil, but conquer evil with good.
 
Do not repay a hurt with another hurt.  Let it go!!!!  Live in Shalom.  Dr. David Freidman, Author of “They Love the Torah” stated:

“If we look at how people are to treat each other according to the Torah, we have a practical definition of the Hebrew word ahava (love). To briefly summarize what the Torah describes in great length, to love means the welfare of your neighbor.”
 
Congregations are to be the model of Community and Love which for the most part is not being carried out today in the greater body.  There is a transition happening in the Kingdom, from the Gentile age into the Messianic age.  We are the tip of the spear of what is to come.  God is elevating us as the Messianic Community to assume our biblical role, as a community, to lead the greater body of Messiah into the Messianic reign.  It is our biblical calling and destiny, but we can't do so unless we learn to love one another here, right now! We must model love! It's not talking about this in terms of scriptural context but it's doing it, living it, modeling it. It’s engaging people, learning names, genuinely being concerned for them and about them. It's not the latest fad or being hip.  People can always sense if you are genuine, whether your real or not!  Remember:
 
John 13:35. Everyone will know that you are my talmidim by the fact that you have love for each other."
 
Please model these behaviors so that you may have love more abundantly:  
 

1. Forgive!  Completely and succinctly with no conditions or caveats.
2. Pray unceasingly.
3. Love unconditionally.

 
Shalom and Love, Rabbi Eric S Carlson